When You Can't Find Supportive People: Healing From Complex Trauma

When connection feels dangerous, finding support can be hard. Survivors: How to rebuild trust without retraumatizing yourself. Supporters: How to help when someone you care about is isolating.

For Victims and Their Supporters: Advice & Resources

(Listen to this on Substack with the triangle play button.)

Javier stared at his phone screen, thumb hovering over the call button. Dr. Park's instructions echoed in his mind: "For your homework this week, reach out to someone in your support network when you're feeling overwhelmed."

He scrolled through his contacts, a knot forming in his throat. There were names—dozens of them—but as he considered each one, he felt a familiar heaviness settle over him. His brother Luis? The last time Javier had mentioned feeling anxious, Luis had told him to "man up" and offered to buy him a beer to "snap out of it." His cousin Nina? She'd immediately launch into her own problems, barely pausing to breathe.

Former coworkers whose messages he'd stopped answering months ago. Childhood friends who'd sided with Imani after their divorce, believing her carefully crafted stories about his "instability." Neighbors who waved politely but looked away too quickly, as if his pain might be contagious.

The only frequent calls in his history were to his lawyer, his doctor, and the pharmacy.

"Just reach out to your support network," Dr. Park had said so casually, as if everyone had a roster of emotionally safe people waiting by their phones. Javier closed his eyes, remembering how Imani had methodically isolated him over their eight-year marriage—questioning his friends' motives, creating conflicts before family gatherings, manufacturing emergencies when he had plans with others.

By the time he'd recognized the pattern, it felt too late. The world had shrunk to the size of their apartment, his social muscles atrophied from disuse. Now, six months after finally leaving, his "network" was a collection of people who either couldn't understand, wouldn't listen, or might actually make things worse.

Javier set the phone down, that familiar wave of shame washing over him. He felt pathetic, like a drowning man with no one to throw him a rope. The cruel irony wasn't lost on him: the very isolation that proved how much he needed support made it nearly impossible to find it.

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"Just reach out to your support network."

For many survivors of narcissistic abuse, this task can feel overwhelming. After years of systematic isolation, many find themselves staring into an abyss where relationships once existed. Friends have drifted away, family connections may have been severed, and the very notion of "support network" seems like a luxury meant for others.

Healing from narcissistic abuse and complex trauma is a journey that shouldn't be traveled alone—yet so many survivors find themselves doing exactly that. The aftermath of abuse often leaves a barren emotional landscape, where trust has been shattered and the skills needed to forge new connections feel rusty or lost entirely.

Let's acknowledge this painful reality while offering a compassionate roadmap for rebuilding connections. We'll explore how to identify and cultivate safe, supportive relationships while addressing the unique barriers survivors face. Additionally, we'll provide guidance for those offering support, helping them understand how to show up in meaningful and trauma-informed ways. Whether you're seeking support or offering it, this article aims to foster connection, safety, and healing—beginning exactly where you are, even if that place feels desperately alone.

Building a Support Network (for Victims)

The advice to "build a support network" can feel overwhelming—or even impossible—for survivors of narcissistic abuse, complex trauma, and betrayal trauma. While supportive relationships are vital for healing, the path to creating these connections is often fraught with unique challenges. These challenges deserve acknowledgment and careful consideration, as they can make the process feel daunting. But with patience, self-compassion, and practical strategies, it is possible to build a network of safe, supportive connections.

Understanding the Challenges

Safety and Risk Considerations

Genuinely emotionally safe people can feel rare, and opening up to new relationships after complex trauma can feel dangerous. Even well-meaning individuals may lack the emotional intelligence or stability needed to provide consistent support. When someone claims to be supportive but acts in hurtful ways, it can trigger past wounds and reinforce negative beliefs about trust and safety.

This reality makes it natural to feel hesitant about building new connections. It's important to honor that hesitation while also recognizing that emotional safety is a precious resource worth seeking. Learning to spot who feels safe takes time and practice, but this discernment becomes easier with healing.

The Family Origin Dilemma

For many survivors, the suggestion to "lean on family" ignores a painful reality: the dysfunctional family system that may have primed them for abuse in the first place. When family members share similar patterns to the abuser, or when they minimize, deny, or enable abuse, turning to them for support can be harmful rather than healing.

Some survivors find themselves caught in generational cycles of trauma, where unhealthy relationship patterns, poor boundaries, and emotional invalidation are the norm rather than the exception. In these cases, family members may:

• Dismiss your experiences ("That's just how relationships are")

• Pressure you to reconcile with the abuser ("But they're family/your spouse")

• Compete with your pain instead of supporting you

• Lack the emotional skills to provide meaningful support

• Retraumatize you through their own unhealed wounds

This reality can compound feelings of isolation, as the social expectation to rely on family creates additional shame and confusion when that option isn't safely available. If this resonates with your experience, know that it's okay to seek support elsewhere and to create boundaries with family members who cannot support your healing journey. Sometimes, building a chosen family becomes an essential part of recovery.

Barriers to Connection

Building a support network isn't just about finding the right people—it's also about navigating internal and external barriers that can make the process feel overwhelming.

Internal Barriers

Survivors often face emotional shutdown, numbness, and shattered trust, which can make it difficult to recognize safe people or know how to begin opening up. Hypervigilance may also cloud your ability to distinguish between legitimate warning signs and trauma responses.

When CPTSD Symptoms Become Social Barriers

CPTSD symptoms can make even basic socializing exhausting. Emotional flashbacks, dissociation, hypervigilance, and overwhelming shame can turn simple interactions into energy-draining events. You might feel "too broken" for connection—but this is the trauma talking, not truth.

These internal struggles are normal and valid, but they can make the process of building connections feel like an uphill battle. Many survivors find themselves in a painful catch-22: needing support to heal, yet needing some healing before they can effectively connect with potential supporters.

No one is funding my writing. If this saves you a therapy appointment, feel free to buy me lunch: Venmo @ellentift

External Barriers and Modern Disconnection

We live in an era of unprecedented connectivity yet profound disconnection. Social media creates an illusion of connection while often leaving people feeling more isolated than ever. Many people maintain busy, compartmentalized lives with little margin for deep relationships or emotional support.

Practical challenges compound this disconnection:

• Limited access to therapy or support groups, especially in rural areas

• Geographic isolation from potential support systems

• Unsupportive or unsafe family and community environments

• Cultural backgrounds that don't prioritize emotional safety

• Financial barriers that limit access to professional support

• The reality that most people have limited emotional bandwidth

These barriers are real, but they don't have to define your journey.

Financial Barriers to Support

The financial impact of abuse creates significant obstacles to accessing support:

• Economic abuse that has limited financial independence

• Costly legal proceedings that drain resources

• Reduced income due to trauma's impact on work capacity

• Limited or no insurance coverage for mental health services

• The prohibitive cost of trauma-informed therapy ($100-250+ per session)

• Financial risk of trying multiple therapists to find the right fit

While these financial realities can make professional support seem out of reach, there are pathways to consider: community mental health centers with sliding scales, therapist training clinics, support groups, employee assistance programs, telehealth options, and state victim assistance programs.

The Challenge of "Drive-By" Support

Some people may offer support out of curiosity or a temporary sense of helpfulness, only to disappear once their interest wanes. These experiences can feel particularly painful, reinforcing feelings of being used or abandoned. While these setbacks are disheartening, they don't mean you're unworthy of support. They simply highlight the importance of being selective and patient in your search for safe connections. You can't predict who will only show up because they're nosey, but once they demonstrate a lack of sincere support, you no longer need to allow them a front row seat to your pain.

Building a Safer Support Network: Practical Steps

Despite these challenges, rebuilding connection is possible. Here's how to start:

Start with Professional Trauma-Informed Support When Possible

Professional support can provide a stable foundation for your healing journey, however it cannot be overstated that practitioners and groups MUST be properly trained for COMPLEX TRAUMA. Regular talk therapy often retraumatizes the survivors without helping their body to process the trauma. If cost is a concern, explore sliding-scale therapy options, online therapy platforms, or trauma-informed support groups. Please do not “settle" for any therapist, it’s about finding the right therapist.

Group therapy programs can also be a more affordable way to connect with others who understand your experiences. Again, please be discerning with group settings, as not all group leaders are properly equipped to create an emotionally safe environment. However, once you find a good fit, you may find a new community who understand your journey without the need for explanation.

Develop Self-Support Skills

While external support is important, cultivating your own self-support skills can help you feel more grounded and resilient. Create a personal safety plan for moments of emotional overwhelm, practice grounding techniques for triggering situations, and learn to recognize and honor your own boundaries and needs. Building self-validation skills can also reduce your dependency on external validation, making it easier to navigate relationships with confidence. Simple shifts such as learning to support rather than attack yourself when you're struggling can bring tremendous relief.

Take Small Steps Toward Connection

Building connections doesn't have to happen all at once. Start with structured environments, such as support groups, classes, or volunteer opportunities, where interactions have natural boundaries. Practice sharing small pieces of your story to test others' responses, and allow relationships to develop gradually without pressure. Trust your instincts about people's safety while remaining open to the possibility of healing.

Identify Signs of Safer People

Safer people are those who respect boundaries consistently, listen without trying to fix or minimize, and share appropriately about their own lives. They follow through on commitments, handle conflict with maturity, and accept "no" gracefully. Pay attention to how people respond to your boundaries and needs—these interactions can reveal a lot about their capacity for emotional safety.

Create Multiple Layers of Support

Instead of relying heavily on one or two people, aim to build a diverse support network. This might include professional support, personal connections, and peer support groups where members understand similar experiences. Incorporating activities and interests that bring you joy can also provide emotional regulation and a sense of connection.

Protect Yourself While Opening Up

As you begin to share your story, do so gradually and watch for red flags without assuming the worst. Have clear boundaries about what you will and won't discuss, and maintain other forms of self-care to ensure you're not overextending yourself. It's okay to step back if a relationship doesn't feel safe or supportive.

To be fair, this can feel utterly impossible when you're in such intense emotional pain that you can't engage socially without fully offloading your truth, so you may often choose solitude to prevent oversharing. Find ways to offload when you're alone, either taking voice memos or journaling, to help release some of the pent up emotions before talking to someone you're just getting to know.

Utilize Alternative Support Systems

If traditional support systems feel inaccessible, consider alternative options. Online support groups moderated by trauma-informed professionals, books and workbooks for trauma recovery, journaling, creative expression, nature, animal connections, and spiritual or philosophical practices can all provide meaningful support. Some survivors find it helpful to explore interactions through AI tools, which can offer neutral feedback when deciphering confusing dynamics or relationship patterns. This can bridge the gap when professional help isn’t an option.

Remember: Healing Is a Gradual Process

Building a support network after trauma is not a linear journey, and it's okay to take your time. Be selective about who you trust, and allow yourself to have different levels of sharing with different people (if possible). It's also okay to step back when needed and focus on quality over quantity. Your safety and well-being are the top priorities.

As you move forward, celebrate small steps toward connection and honor your instincts about safety. Setbacks are normal and not failures—they're opportunities to learn and adjust your approach. Focus on progress rather than perfection, and remember that each step toward safer connections is valuable.

Moving Forward

Your journey toward building a support network is unique to you. While the path may not be straightforward, each step you take contributes to your healing process. Be patient with yourself, and remember that your need for support is valid. With time, self-compassion, and realistic expectations of others and yourself, you can gradually build relationships that honor your experiences and support your growth.

Try one small step this week: Text a safe person, save a grounding technique to your phone, or bookmark a trauma support group. Progress isn't about speed—it's about direction. Even the smallest movement toward connection matters and deserves celebration.

Supporters: Understanding Your Role

Supporting someone who has experienced narcissistic abuse or complex trauma requires patience, understanding, and a willingness to learn. While your instinct to help is admirable, it's important to approach this role with both compassion and clear boundaries. This guide will help you understand how to best support survivors while taking care of yourself in the process. (See the end of this article for a list of resources.)

Supporter's Quick Guide: Do's and Don'ts

Do:

• Listen without judgment and without rushing to "fix" the situation

• Validate their experiences and emotions

• Respect their timeline and boundaries

• Be reliable and consistent within your capacity

• Educate yourself about trauma

• Take care of your own emotional wellbeing

Don't:

• Push them to "just get over it" or "move on"

• Pressure them to take actions they're not ready for

• Share their story with others without permission

• Compare their experience to others ("at least...")

• Make promises you can't keep

• Neglect your own boundaries until you're overwhelmed

Navigating Difficult Conversations

One of the most challenging aspects of supporting someone in an abusive situation is knowing when and how to name the abuse. While it may feel negligent to stay silent when you see clear signs of abuse, directly telling someone "You're being abused" can sometimes backfire, causing them to become defensive or withdraw from support. Instead, consider using gentle, inquiry-based approaches that help them reach their own conclusions. For example:

"I notice you seem anxious when they call. How do you feel about those interactions?" "You mentioned they said you're too sensitive. What do you think about that?" "I care about you, and some things you've shared make me concerned. Would you like to talk about it?"

There may be times when being more direct is appropriate, particularly if you've built trust and the person seems ready to hear it. In these cases, you might say something like: "What you're describing sounds like emotional abuse. I know that's hard to hear, and I'm here to support you whatever you decide to do."

When You Fear for Their Safety (See Resources List Below)

If you believe someone is in immediate danger, it's important to voice your concerns while remaining supportive. Some effective approaches include:

"I want you to know that I'm worried about your safety. Can we talk about making a plan to keep you safe?" "You don't deserve to feel afraid in your own home. There are people who can help when you're ready." "I'd like to share some resources with you, just to have on hand. Would that be okay?"

While it's important to voice your concerns, remember that the survivor is the expert on their own situation. Offer support and resources, but avoid pressuring them to take action before they're ready. [see also Safety Plan]

The Depth of Trauma

Unless you've experienced narcissistic abuse firsthand, it can be challenging to fully comprehend the psychological impact it has on survivors. The manipulation, gaslighting, and emotional abuse create deep wounds that aren't visible from the outside. What might seem like a clear situation to you – where the abuse is obvious and the solution appears simple – is often clouded by complex emotional bonds and psychological conditioning for the survivor. Trauma can also affect memory and decision-making, making it even harder for survivors to see the situation clearly or take action. This isn't a lack of willpower—it's a natural response to prolonged abuse.

Understanding Trauma Bonds

One of the most frustrating aspects for supporters is watching someone stay in or return to an abusive relationship. Think of a trauma bond like a rollercoaster: the highs of affection and the lows of abuse create an addictive cycle that's hard to break, even when the harm is obvious. Trauma bonds are powerful psychological attachments formed through cycles of abuse and intermittent reinforcement. These bonds can be stronger than logical reasoning, which is why simply pointing out the abuse or telling someone to leave rarely works. The connection between victim and abuser is like an addiction, complete with withdrawal symptoms and compelling urges to return.

Cultural Sensitivity in Supporting Survivors

When supporting someone who has experienced narcissistic abuse, it's important to recognize how cultural factors can shape their experience and response to trauma. Cultural norms, family dynamics, and societal expectations can all influence how abuse is perceived, whether it's disclosed, and what steps a survivor feels able to take. Here are some key considerations:

Cultural Norms Around Relationships

In some cultures, family loyalty, marital commitment, or community reputation may be highly valued, making it harder for survivors to leave abusive relationships or speak out. For example:

• A survivor might feel pressured to stay in a marriage to avoid shaming their family.

• They might fear being ostracized by their community if they disclose abuse.

How to Support: Acknowledge the cultural pressures they're facing without judgment. For example: "I understand that your family's expectations are important to you. How can I support you while respecting those values?" "It sounds like this situation is really complicated. I'm here to listen, no matter what you decide."

Stigma Around Mental Health

In some cultures, mental health struggles or trauma may be stigmatized, making it harder for survivors to seek therapy or even acknowledge their experiences as abuse. They might fear being labeled as "weak" or "crazy."

How to Support: Normalize seeking help and frame it as a strength rather than a weakness. For example: "Talking to a therapist doesn't mean there's something wrong with you—it's a way to take care of yourself." "Healing from something like this takes courage, and it's okay to ask for help."

Binary Gender Roles and Expectations

Cultural expectations around gender roles can also play a significant role. For example:

• Women might be expected to prioritize their partner's needs over their own.

• Men might feel pressure to appear strong and self-reliant, making it harder to admit they're being abused.

How to Support: Challenge stereotypes gently and affirm their right to safety and respect. For example: "You deserve to be treated with kindness, no matter what anyone says." "It's not your job to fix this situation on your own. You're allowed to ask for help."

Immigration and Language Barriers

For survivors who are immigrants or refugees, language barriers, fear of deportation, or lack of familiarity with local resources can make it even harder to seek help.

How to Support: Help them navigate resources in a way that feels safe and accessible. For example: "I can help you find a counselor who speaks your language, if that would make it easier." "There are organizations that can help without involving immigration authorities. Would you like me to look into that?"

Religious or Spiritual Beliefs

Religious or spiritual beliefs can be both a source of strength and a barrier to leaving an abusive situation. For example:

• A survivor might feel conflicted about leaving a marriage due to religious teachings.

• They might turn to their faith community for support but fear judgment or blame.

How to Support: Respect their beliefs while gently challenging any harmful interpretations. For example: "I know your faith is important to you. How can we find a way to honor that while also keeping you safe?" "You deserve to be treated with love and respect, just as your faith teaches."

Supporting LGBTQIA+ Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse

Narcissistic abuse in LGBTQIA+ relationships can present unique challenges, shaped by societal stigma, minority stress, and the dynamics of queer communities. Understanding these factors can help you provide more effective and affirming support to LGBTQIA+ survivors.

Unique Dynamics in Queer Relationships

Abuse in LGBTQIA+ relationships can sometimes be overlooked or minimized, even by the survivor themselves, due to myths that abuse only occurs in heterosexual relationships. Additionally, abusive partners may exploit LGBTQIA+-specific vulnerabilities, such as:

• Threatening to "out" the survivor to family, employers, or community members.

• Using societal stigma to isolate the survivor, claiming that no one else will understand or accept them.

• Manipulating the survivor's sense of identity, such as questioning their gender or sexuality.

How to Support: Validate their experiences and affirm that abuse can happen in any relationship, regardless of gender or sexual orientation. For example: "Abuse is never okay, no matter what kind of relationship you're in. You deserve to be treated with respect." "It's not your fault that they're using your identity against you. That's a reflection of their cruelty, not your worth."

Minority Stress and Isolation

LGBTQIA+ individuals often face minority stress—chronic stress caused by discrimination, stigma, and marginalization. This can make it harder for survivors to seek help or leave abusive relationships, especially if they fear further rejection or discrimination.

How to Support: Acknowledge the additional layers of stress they're facing and help them connect with LGBTQIA+ affirming resources. For example: "I know it can feel like there aren't many safe spaces for you, but there are organizations and people who understand and support you." "You're not alone in this. There are communities and resources that can help you feel seen and supported."

Challenges Within Queer Communities

Queer communities can be incredibly supportive, but they can also be small and interconnected, making it harder for survivors to distance themselves from an abusive partner. They might fear losing their entire support network or being ostracized if they speak out.

How to Support: Help them navigate these complexities while affirming their right to safety. For example: "I understand how hard it can be to set boundaries when your community feels so close-knit. Your safety and well-being come first." "You don't have to lose your community because of what they've done. Let's find ways to connect with people who will support you."

Affirming Gender Identity and Sexual Orientation

For transgender, nonbinary, and gender non-conforming survivors, abuse may include attacks on their gender identity, such as misgendering, denying access to gender-affirming care, or using their identity as a tool for control.

Similarly, asexual and aromantic individuals may face unique forms of abuse where partners weaponize their identity, labeling them as "cold," "unloving," or "broken" for their natural orientation. Abusers may use manipulation, coercion, or shame regarding intimacy to control asexual/aromantic partners.

How to Support: Affirm their gender identity and/or sexual orientation and help them access affirming resources. For example: "Your gender identity is valid, and no one has the right to use it against you." "Your asexual/aromantic identity is a natural orientation, not a flaw or something to be 'fixed.'" "If you need help accessing gender-affirming care or support, I can help you find resources."

Navigating Legal and Systemic Barriers

LGBTQIA+ survivors may face additional legal and systemic barriers, such as discrimination from law enforcement, lack of access to LGBTQIA+ affirming shelters, or challenges in custody battles if children are involved.

How to Support: Help them navigate these barriers by connecting them with LGBTQIA+ specific legal and advocacy organizations. For example: "There are organizations that specialize in helping LGBTQIA+ people navigate these kinds of challenges. Would you like me to help you find one?" "You don't have to face this alone. There are people who understand these systems and can help you advocate for yourself."

The Importance of Mutual Expectations

For both survivors and supporters, managing expectations is crucial for sustainable support relationships. A common pattern emerges when expectations aren't aligned: a supporter shows up intensely during a crisis, the survivor comes to rely on this level of support, and then feelings of abandonment and resentment arise when the supporter returns to their normal capacity.

For Survivors:

• Remember that most supporters have limited emotional bandwidth

• Understand that even the most dedicated supporter cannot be available 24/7

• Recognize that supporters need boundaries to prevent burnout

• Consider developing multiple support connections rather than relying heavily on one person

• Express appreciation for the support you receive

• Respect when a supporter indicates they need space

For Supporters:

• Be honest about your capacity from the beginning, and as the situation develops or your capacity shifts

• Communicate clearly about when you're available

• If you need to step back, do so with care rather than suddenly disappearing

• Recognize that consistency is often more valuable than intensity

• If you're supporting during a crisis, have a conversation about what ongoing support will look like afterward

• Help connect the survivor with additional resources rather than positioning yourself as their sole support

When both parties approach the relationship with realistic expectations and open communication, support becomes more sustainable and effective for everyone involved.

The Power of Presence

Often, the most valuable support you can offer is simply being present and bearing witness to someone's experience. While you may feel compelled to offer solutions or advice, sometimes what a survivor needs most is someone to listen without judgment and validate their experiences. Your role isn't to fix the situation but to create a safe space where they can process their experiences and emotions.

How to Listen and Validate

When supporting a survivor, practice active listening without trying to solve their problems. Use phrases like "I hear you" and "What you're feeling is valid" rather than jumping to advice or criticism. Avoid minimizing language like "at least…" and "it could be worse" that might invalidate their experiences. Instead, focus on affirming their feelings and experiences without judgment. Remember that they don't owe you all the details of their experience to be worthy of support. Let them share at their own pace and respect their privacy.

What Survivors Actually Need

Rather than trying to fix the situation, focus on providing:

• A non-judgmental listening ear

• Validation of their experiences and emotions

• Respect for their timeline and decisions

• Consistent, reliable support within your boundaries

• Recognition of their strength and resilience

• Gentle encouragement without pressure

Setting Healthy Boundaries

Supporting someone through trauma recovery can be emotionally demanding, and it's essential to practice self-care from the beginning—not just when you're already overwhelmed. Here are some ways to maintain healthy boundaries:

• Communicate clearly about when you're available to talk

• Be honest about your emotional bandwidth

• Encourage them to build a broader support network

• Take breaks when you need them

• Direct them to professional resources when appropriate

• Avoid becoming their sole support person

Setting boundaries isn't just about protecting yourself—it also models healthy behavior for the survivor and encourages them to build a broader support network.

Handling Your Own Frustration

It's natural to feel frustrated when you see someone you care about struggling, especially when they're not ready or able to see the situation as clearly as you do. Feeling frustrated doesn't mean you're failing as a supporter. It's a natural response to a difficult situation. What matters is how you manage those feelings and continue to show up with patience and compassion. Remember that healing from narcissistic abuse and trauma is not a linear process. Trust that by providing steady, patient support, you're helping them build the strength and clarity they need to make their own decisions when they're ready.

No one funds my writing. If this article is saves you the cost of a therapy appointment, feel free to buy me lunch: Venmo @ellentift

Professional Support

While your support is invaluable, remember that you're not a replacement for professional help. Encourage connection with trauma-informed therapists and support groups, but do so gently and without pressure. These resources can provide specialized help while taking some of the emotional weight off your shoulders. When suggesting professional help, frame it as an additional resource rather than a criticism.

For example: "I've heard that trauma-informed therapists can be really helpful. Would you like me to help you find one?"

Understanding and Managing Secondary Trauma

Supporting someone through abuse and trauma can take a significant emotional toll on supporters. This impact has several names that might help you understand what you're experiencing:

Vicarious trauma occurs when you begin to internalize the emotional pain and traumatic experiences of the person you're supporting. You might find yourself having nightmares, feeling anxious, or becoming preoccupied with their situation.

Secondary trauma can develop when you're regularly exposed to the details of traumatic experiences, leading to symptoms similar to PTSD, such as heightened anxiety, emotional numbness, or intrusive thoughts about their situation.

Empathetic distress and empathy exhaustion happen when you're so deeply invested in someone's emotional pain that you become overwhelmed or emotionally depleted. You might feel physically and emotionally drained, have difficulty maintaining boundaries, or experience burnout.

To protect yourself from these effects:

• Set aside time for emotional decompression after intense conversations

• Engage in activities that replenish your emotional energy

• Consider working with a therapist to process your own reactions

• Connect with other supporters who understand these challenges

• Practice grounding techniques when you feel overwhelmed

• Remember that you can be compassionate while maintaining emotional boundaries

Taking Care of Yourself

Supporting someone through trauma recovery can be emotionally taxing. Practice self-care regularly, maintain your own support system, and remember that you can't pour from an empty cup. Your well-being is just as important as your desire to help others. Remember, taking care of yourself isn't selfish—it's essential. By prioritizing your well-being, you're ensuring that you can continue to show up as a source of support.

By showing up consistently and compassionately within healthy boundaries, you're providing crucial support that can make a real difference in someone's healing journey. Your presence and understanding, even without perfect solutions, can be a powerful force in their recovery.

Copyright Notice: This excerpt is from my forthcoming book. All content is © 2025 Worldwide Groove Corporation. Unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or use of this material without permission is prohibited. Thank you for respecting my work. 😊

Resources for Healing and Support

Disclaimer:

This list provides resources for informational and supportive purposes. While I haven't personally used all of these resources, they are established, widely referenced, and recommended by trauma professionals. It is essential to exercise your own judgment and discretion when utilizing them. Online resources, such as podcasts and videos, should supplement, not replace, professional therapeutic care. For therapist directories and culturally specific resources, please verify the credentials and expertise of individual practitioners. Remember that individual needs vary, and it's essential to prioritize your safety and well-being throughout your healing journey. IF YOU SEE A RESOURCE LISTED HERE THAT IS NOT BENEFICIAL PLEASE KINDLY LET ME KNOW SO I CAN REMOVE IT.

🎧 Podcasts on Trauma & Narcissistic Abuse

• "The Trauma Therapist" (Guy Macpherson) – This podcast features interviews with trauma experts, offering insights into the human spirit and the journeys of mental health professionals dedicated to helping those impacted by trauma.

• "Mental Health and Narcissistic Abuse" (Dr. Ramani Durvasula) – Focus on narcissistic dynamics.

• "Therapy Chat" (Laura Reagan) – Trauma, attachment, and somatic healing.

🌐 Free Online Resources

Crisis Support:

• National Domestic Violence Hotline (thehotline.org) – 24/7 chat/phone.

• Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 (U.S./Canada).

Education & Community:

• Pete Walker’s website (pete-walker.com) – Free CPTSD articles.

• Out of the Fog (outofthefog.net) – Personality disorder education.

• DV Resource: Love Is Respect (loveisrespect.org) – For teens/young adults.

• CPTSD Foundation (cptsdfoundation.org) - online resources plus multiple daily peer led zoom support groups

YouTube (Clinically Sound):

• Dr. Ramani (narcissistic abuse)

• Patrick Teahan (childhood trauma)

• Alan Robarge (attachment trauma)

🏳️‍🌈 LGBTQIA+ Specific

• The Trevor Project (thetrevorproject.org) – Crisis support.

• National Center for Transgender Equality (transequality.org) – Advocacy/resources.

• Therapy for QPOC (therapyforqpoc.com) – This organization connects Queer & Trans People of Color to affirming, anti-oppressive mental health professionals. They offer a therapist directory and provide services such as free virtual consultations to help individuals start their therapy journey.

🌍 Cultural & Language-Specific

• Therapy for Black Girls (therapyforblackgirls.com)

• Asian Mental Health Collective (asianmhc.org)

• Latinx Therapy (latinxtherapy.com)

• Black Emotional & Mental Health (BEAM) (beam.community)

📚 Library & Free Learning

• Libby/OverDrive – Free e-books/audiobooks (e.g., The Body Keeps the Score).

• LinkedIn Learning (free via libraries) – Courses on boundaries, mental health.

💡 Local & Low-Cost Options

• 211.org – Local resources by ZIP code. Verify proper credentials for complex trauma.

• Community Mental Health Centers – Sliding-scale therapy. Verify proper credentials for complex trauma.

• University Clinics – Low-cost sessions with supervised trainees. Verify proper credentials for complex trauma.

For Supporters

Do:

• "I found this trauma therapist directory filtered for your needs. Want me to share it?"

• "There’s a free online CPTSD group on Tuesdays. Interested in the link?"

Avoid: Overwhelming lists; focus on 1–2 vetted options.

Remember that what matters most is finding resources that feel safe and accessible to the specific person you're supporting. Sometimes the best approach is to offer a few options rather than an overwhelming list.

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About the Author

Ellen Tift is a university educator, informed voice in trauma recovery, and veteran musician. With nearly three decades as a music professor, she brings the same depth of dedication to her work on narcissistic abuse, betrayal trauma, and Complex PTSD as she does to her musical scholarship.

Her expertise in narcissistic family dynamics stems from both extensive research and lived experience as a survivor. Having navigated the complex journey of healing from narcissistic abuse, she blends scholarly rigor with profound personal insight, offering readers both intellectual understanding and emotional validation.

A passionate educator at heart, she excels at translating complex psychological concepts into accessible, compassionate guidance for fellow survivors. Her work is the result of thousands of hours studying trauma research, consulting with mental health professionals, and engaging with survivor communities—all shaped by her dual perspective as both an academic and someone who has walked the healing path herself.

Her forthcoming book, “There’s A Word for That: A Survivor’s Guide to Narcissistic Abuse & Complex Trauma,” reflects her deep commitment to empowering others through knowledge, clarity, and compassion—skills honed through decades in higher education and personal recovery.